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24 June 2008 @ 11:50 pm
Adjusting Isn't Easy  
Almost two weeks now.

And still everything feels unbalanced.

I'm home, with my husband, daughter, best friend...brother. Back where I belong.

And yet I don't feel normal. I don't feel at ease.

Seamus and Keena are asleep... I can't sleep.

Everything has been oddly quiet. I keep waiting for Seamus to eventually let loose. He's been quiet, watching me, watching everyone. He won't stay quiet. He's not the sort. Whatever he intends to say, he'll say it and soon. Same with Aly. She's been quiet as well.

At the moment, I'm sitting in a chair, staring outside, trying to figure out what to do. How to bring the feeling of normalcy back. Because nothing can really return to normal yet. Not with the threat of Lesandra looming overhead.

But even with that, how can one do it? How can someone go from being on the run to being with their family in a blink of an eye? Everyone tiptoes around each other, trying to figure out what to say and what not to say.

Only Keena hasn't held back. She's been quite upfront. Hasn't let me out of her sight. I don't care. I'm pretty much not letting her out of my sight either. Only when she's sleeping.

"Mummy?"

I start and then turn slightly to see a sleepy Keena standing a few feet from me, rubbing her eyes. "Hey honey," I say softly. "Why are you up?"

"Couldn't sleep," she says simply, then comes over and crawls into my lap, looping her arms around me. I pull her closer to me, stroking her soft hair."Why aren't you?"

"Mummy couldn't sleep either." I tell her.

"Do you need to be read to?"

I smile. "No.. do you?"

She nods against me, cuddling closer to me. "Please?"

"Of course." I stand up, holding Keena to me and I quietly pad to her room. "What book?"

She points to one in her book case and I grab it and we lay down on her bed, her head against my chest. "Want me to start at the beginning."

"No. Page twelve."

"Ah," I open the book and flip the pages til I get to the one she mentions. I start to read and by page sixteen Keena's out... and I feel close myself. I'm too comfortable to move and I don't want to leave my baby girl. I close the book, set it down on the floor and with Keena wrapped around me, I lay down a bit more on the bed.

Soon sleep claims me as well.
 
 
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