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29 July 2008 @ 01:18 pm
The Tension Is Thick  
Seamus is ready to snap.

I can see it, sense it, feel it.

In the past, we had our fights, our confrontations. We didn't shy away from them. In the beginning I was hesitant to get into arguments with him, as it wasn't in my nature. But I learned that Seamus was a natural confronter, and we both sort of relished our arguments really... the aftermath was the best part.

But this is different.

Two years hiding...

I hurt my husband. And my daughter. And Aly. Nicolas.. everyone.

Right now everything is bottling up. I'm gone for an hour and Seamus gets tense. Two hours, and the air is so thick with tension you could cut a knife through it. Every time I visit my brother I think he wonders if I'm coming back or taking off again. Every time I come back from a visit, I see the relief, then it's shadowed by something else.

I see the unasked questions in his eyes. His temper slowly building. Closing himself off.

The only time the tension seems to disappear is when we sleep. He's usually not home until late, and after I put Keena to bed, I'm asleep and I wake up to his arms wrapped around me, tightly.

As if he's afraid to let go of me.

I'm afraid to let go of him.

He's thrown himself into his work even more. I threw myself into spending more time with my daughter, needing to. Keena needs me and I'm not about to fail her... not again. I won't. I refuse to.

"What do you think Mummy?" Keena asks as she sits down on the couch next to me, jolting me out of my thoughts. She shows me her parchment pad, the drawings she made.

"Very good," I murmur, circling an arm around her, my hand stroking her hair.

"As good as you?"

I smile. "Better."

She grins. Lays her head against me as she draws her legs up under and starts on another drawing.

I hear a door shut, a couple muffled curses. Another door.

Thankfully Keena doesn't feel or sense the tension.

But soon now...

Something will make that tension boil over and Seamus will let loose.
 
 
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